Caterpillar
Inching along a rough terrain,
A monster inside of them: Hunger.
A minuscule thing yearning to grow big
Eventually changing its state,
Into a something that is a feather in weight.
Rapidly flapping its newly formed wings
Her goal to lay babies on the milkweed’s leaf.
Starting just as her,
A miniscule monster,
Eating, yearning, hoping to grow big.
Free Heart Universe
Sailing yesterdays vast stream
We long magically
Someday to go explore again.
Wild tree flower fly
Liquid fish laugh
Wet morning breeze
& yet I stay
A blind prisoner
Living as ghosts of my foolish thinking.
And pretend it gets easier
When your hero moves to another world never to be seen again,
When your best isn't good enough.
And pretend it gets easier,
When your dream is shattered in two,
When you know the going will only get tougher.
And pretend it gets easier
After hours of daunting homework,
after a failed grade.
And pretend it gets easier
only to make your day feel better.
When the real thing to do is believe it gets easier.
And pretend it gets easier
After hours of daunting homework,
after a failed grade.
And pretend it gets easier
only to make your day feel better.
When the real thing to do is believe it gets easier.
Revision advice
Thank you for all 3 poems. It's good to have an industrious, enthusiastic participant! Caterpillar and Free Heart Universe have strong images throughout. Believe is heartfelt and sincere but lacks the imagination that the first two contain. I suggest you look at the first two and see how you incorporated imagery, and then try that in the third. Sometimes a 5-10 minute free write will help to develop surprising images.
Mimi Moriarty
Mimi Moriarty
Revisions
Believe
And pretend it gets easier
When your hero moves to another world never to be seen again.
A world above the clouds.
A world which loved ones go after they are put into the earth.
You enter a competition with your best dessert,
Only to find that your best baking isn't as good as you thought.
And pretend it gets easier
When your dream is shattered in two.
An audition gone wrong,
An audition that makes you realize dreams don't always come true.
When you stop chasing the dream.
You realize that you need to start over again, pick a new dream to follow.
And pretend it gets easier
When you get home from school,
Yearning to relax.
You look into your overworked brain and realize you have more to do.
The older you get the more your "Suppose to have"
After you mind grows with knowledge, you find out you didn't even pass.
And pretend it gets easier
Only so you don't drop down.
From the stress and burden always carried on your shoulder.
Once in awhile you get a break.
The weight is taken off your back from a generous person.
A new hero that shows the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thoughts
I really love were Miss Moriarty's advice took me. I think that the revised piece complements the other two poems a lot better. I used more details and symbols like Miss Moriarty told me I should. I love both of these new pieces that I wrote. I think that I do still like my original piece because I know what I wanted to do with it and it was a success. I liked how in the original poem, it let your imagination run wild (The reader). That's what I thought. I wanted it to be less about my failed grades, lost hero, hardships in school and instead I wanted to the reader to think about what hero they lost and how hard they try in school and then have a moral booster at the end. Compared to my revised poem. My revised poem is more personal to me. It is still connectable but it shows what I think and I really wanted that poem to be open to have people think what they want. If I were to publish a book of poems and I had the first two poems in it, then I think that the revised poem does work a lot better, because it follows the pattern. If i were to just publish the Believe poem then I think that i would choose the first one, because it's simple yet has the potential to spark a lot of conversation about..." what does the author mean when he says 'a lost hero?'" If i chose the revised one the people could easily said "Oh! his hero was someone who died. I was very happy with my revised version of Believe. Both the original and revised believe have their own qualities and they fit different situations.
Believe
And pretend it gets easier
When your hero moves to another world never to be seen again.
A world above the clouds.
A world which loved ones go after they are put into the earth.
You enter a competition with your best dessert,
Only to find that your best baking isn't as good as you thought.
And pretend it gets easier
When your dream is shattered in two.
An audition gone wrong,
An audition that makes you realize dreams don't always come true.
When you stop chasing the dream.
You realize that you need to start over again, pick a new dream to follow.
And pretend it gets easier
When you get home from school,
Yearning to relax.
You look into your overworked brain and realize you have more to do.
The older you get the more your "Suppose to have"
After you mind grows with knowledge, you find out you didn't even pass.
And pretend it gets easier
Only so you don't drop down.
From the stress and burden always carried on your shoulder.
Once in awhile you get a break.
The weight is taken off your back from a generous person.
A new hero that shows the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thoughts
I really love were Miss Moriarty's advice took me. I think that the revised piece complements the other two poems a lot better. I used more details and symbols like Miss Moriarty told me I should. I love both of these new pieces that I wrote. I think that I do still like my original piece because I know what I wanted to do with it and it was a success. I liked how in the original poem, it let your imagination run wild (The reader). That's what I thought. I wanted it to be less about my failed grades, lost hero, hardships in school and instead I wanted to the reader to think about what hero they lost and how hard they try in school and then have a moral booster at the end. Compared to my revised poem. My revised poem is more personal to me. It is still connectable but it shows what I think and I really wanted that poem to be open to have people think what they want. If I were to publish a book of poems and I had the first two poems in it, then I think that the revised poem does work a lot better, because it follows the pattern. If i were to just publish the Believe poem then I think that i would choose the first one, because it's simple yet has the potential to spark a lot of conversation about..." what does the author mean when he says 'a lost hero?'" If i chose the revised one the people could easily said "Oh! his hero was someone who died. I was very happy with my revised version of Believe. Both the original and revised believe have their own qualities and they fit different situations.
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